worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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