You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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