Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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