remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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