I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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