also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
