Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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