Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
