your parents love me but you hate me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
