Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
