Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
