Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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