I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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