I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize