I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's always time for handjobs
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
