guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
