I cut my penus on the lid.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
