We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
