Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
