Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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