Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
