what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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