i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worst night to have a conscience
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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