she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
