Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
