My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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