He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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