Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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