actually, I'm a sock model
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
