oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You ruined the universe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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