Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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