please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
