drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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