she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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