Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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