guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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