Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
