so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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