I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
