Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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