Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
