So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
