I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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