Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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