who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
