1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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