you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dick has a subreddit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
