Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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