all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
