yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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