He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my liver is dry heaving
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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