What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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