she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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