What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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