first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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