haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
