my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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