i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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