so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
